the times, they are a changin’
I was just reading The Dope Sheet #42, and noticed the link to the article at the bottom about more men taking their wives names.
The name changing tradition has always been a big issue for me. Ever since I was a kid, before I even knew about feminism, I always had trouble with the idea of changing my name upon marriage. I couldn’t get my head around the idea that my future husband’s name was more important than my own. As I got older, my convictions became even stronger. This is my name, part of my identity, and I’m not changing it for anyone, ever. Fortunately, I picked a man who doesn’t expect me to, and would probably be quite horrified if I even contemplated it. Unfortunately, many men aren’t of that opinion. They’re hurt that their wives won’t take their name, but would never even contemplate changing their own.
A month or two back, I was on a tram with my parents, having a conversation about what names my sister-in-law and brother are thinking about giving their next child. I mentioned that I liked a particular name, and how well it went with my surname. My mother looked at me quizzically, and said that it wouldn’t matter anyway, because my children wouldn’t have that surname. I looked at her quizzically in turn and told them that I’m not ever changing my name. They were horrified. And I was horrified that they were horrified. It seems odd that my own parents would want me to get rid of their name.
Comments
Comment from gizo
Time April 5, 2007 at 12:24 pm
I just realised that some of that made me sound a bit turdy… Kymbo kept her name. There was no need for discussion, as we both felt it was right….
The HardMan’s name was… I can’t remember how or why he has my name. He just does. I wouldn’t care if he had Kymbo’s either. He’s still my son….
Comment from Joffa
Time April 5, 2007 at 9:06 pm
Crumpet, it’s funny that sort of thing. My older brother’s family changed their whole hame. He’s adopted and some time after they got married and had two kids they Changed their last name to ‘Jardin’. They just felt that they wanted something that represented them as a family. Oh and Annalise changed her name at some stage because the original Indonesian one was to must for us westeners. 
Also he uses his first name for the most part now, which is David and not his 2nd name (Iain) which mum and dad always called him by.
Comment from vetti
Time April 6, 2007 at 12:08 am
i’m with you on this one crumpet…
when my mum got marrried, she took dad’s surname. what pissed her off was being referred to as mrs (insert husband’s first and surname), rather than mrs correne (insert husband’s surname)…serious identity erosion!
Comment from nursemyra
Time April 6, 2007 at 10:01 am
how could anyone pass up the opportunity to be a Salinger? I’d undergo a lobotomy for a name like that. wait… maybe I already have…
Comment from gizo
Time April 5, 2007 at 12:18 pm
I imagine Mr Crumpet would be more horrified at the idea of marriage than of name-changing…
It’s a strange situation, Crump… Kymbo kept her name, which is cool, because I like her name. But then we had to think about the Hardman - which surname does he get? He has rights to both. He got mine. I don’t know why. If we have another child, which surname do they get? Is it fair for them to have different surnames? Who knows….
It seems the best idea is to grow a new surname for you both. I suggest… ‘Mrs and Mr Crumpet’, or ‘The Danglegoppers’… your choice…